Trigger warning: talk of mental health struggles, including self-harm.
Throughout my life I have always been creative and crafty. Along with reading, craft has been an escape for me, going back to my childhood.
During my university life, I used knitting as a way of forgetting about the looming deadlines and switching off my brain from the mathematical proofs I was working on. (Did you know I have a Masters in mathematics!?) And often I would find that focusing on something else for a while would allow me to have the breakthroughs I needed to continue with the maths.
Following my degree, I launched myself into teacher training and found that I needed craft in my life more than ever. It became a respite, and a way to wind down before bed. Without my daily crafting I would be unable to get to sleep, which resulted in a tired and grumpy Becci – not conducive to a great teacher!
I continued to knit, and crochet my way through my teaching career, using it to help my mind switch off and subconsciously process the challenges of the days. Working in a special school, every day was different and it was essential to almost wipe the slate clean at the end of the day.
After several years of teaching, we decided to start a family. Becoming a mum was something I had dreamed about for years. When I got pregnant, I felt like I was fulfilling my purpose in life and I was so excited to start a new chapter of my story.
It became very clear though, just a couple of weeks after having my first son, that I was not well. I was spiralling in intrusive thoughts, self-harming and feeling like I was struggling to bond with my child. Fortunately for me, I had my fantastic husband, mum and friends around me, who helped me to reach out for the help I so clearly needed. As part of my treatment, I attended CBT counselling and this enabled me to remember how much crafting had helped me in the past. I went back to my yarn with determination, and found that, when I was crocheting, my mind was quiet. I wasn’t hearing the horrid voice telling me I was worthless or a failure. Instead, I was focussing on my stitches, on what I was creating. I have no doubt that without the crochet, I would have continued on my downward spiral, and wouldn’t have been able to accept the other support I needed to battle my demons.
I also found the community behind the 60 million trebles movement – who were creating blankets for Syrian refugees – and gave myself something concrete to make. I must have made at least 15 blankets over those few months – although for me the crochet was as much, if not more, about the process and the healing than the product.
I am incredibly grateful to everyone who supported me through the first couple of years of my mothering journey, and helped me overcome the obstacles that I encountered. I can now look back and see how different my experience of motherhood is now.
Craft is still firmly in my life (obviously!) as a daily practice. And this, for me, is about self-care. It’s about mindfulness. It’s about allowing myself time to switch off and quiet my mind. It’s about the sub-conscious processing of the positive and negative events from the day.
I am proud of the journey I have been, and am still, on. I am always open, honest and willing to chat about it, or to listen to anyone who wants to talk about their experience. I am also happy to help anyone find out if crafting can be as helpful to them as it has been for me.
If you would like to find out if crafting could be a tool for you and your well-being, why not come along to one of my workshops? Or, if you know it is helpful for you, but perhaps you aren’t making as much time for it as you could, head over to join one of the Craft Hive sessions, either online or in-person. That way you’ve scheduled it in!